I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
