Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
