I want to make a zoo with you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We had sex on a dog bed..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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