Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you had me at cake vodka
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
