haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish you could order shots online.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
