Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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