tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize