so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
