you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
