It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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