Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We left the knife in your bed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
