my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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