She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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