Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
