i don't like sucking hair
babies were throwing up all over the place
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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