i jhust puked up my retainher.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
