I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize