idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
