Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
