This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
