a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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