I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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