are you still at the devil's house?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize