i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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