Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
