She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
