And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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