we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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