At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
