Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
