I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
