i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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