hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
