woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
