i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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