i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
