Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
