He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
