just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
