he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You took a bar mat shot.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
