theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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