Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
