Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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