is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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