Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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