I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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