my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
