Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
