I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
