Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
