come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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