it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I could fuck to npr.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
