I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
