Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
