i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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