She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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