She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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