dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
