I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
