mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
