Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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