I just threw up on my dentist
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I AM VODKA MAN
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
