Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
