Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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