Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
