They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
