i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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