It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
