yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You ate ashes out of my bong
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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