We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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