Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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