I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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