i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
