I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
