I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
