Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
