All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
