So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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