dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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